To The Man Loving Me Through This Illness

To the man loving me through this illness,

By the grace of G-d, I’m in love with my best friend. The one person who held my hand through it all. The good, the bad, the radiation and chemo, and everything in between. We found out I was in remission and we celebrated, as friends. Life was good. We grew closer, in a romantic way. We began to date. Never did we ever think we’d be facing this demon again.

To the man love me through this illness, thank you. I couldn’t be doing this without you. I couldn’t fight without you. From the little things like rubbing my muscles when the medicine makes me too sore to walk, to the big things like driving an hour and a half to take care of me after chemo when I can’t fend for myself.

Dating in your twenties should be fun nights out and hanging with friends, not doctors appointments, hospital visits, and bed rest. And somehow, you do it all without complaint. You don’t let me feel guilty for being sick. You make sure my water cup is always full, that I always have extra blankets for the cold days, and a fan for the hot flashes. I never have to ask, because you’re always two steps ahead.

To the man loving me through this illness, I know this isn’t what you signed up for. No one gets in to a relationship with the expectation of illness. No one signs up for this, but you didn’t leave either. I’m sorry that our relationship isn’t picture perfect normal, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Cancer is tough, but we are tougher. Thank you for constantly reminding me of all the reasons that I’m still moving forward. Thank you for letting me have sad days, for letting me feel bad for myself, and for also reminding me of all the reasons I have to be thankful.

To the man loving me through this illness, thank you. Thank you for not letting me lose myself, not letting me lose my identity, to this disease. Thank you for allowing me to see all the light that still shines in such a dark time. Thank you for your constant positivity, and reassurance, and love. Thank you for seeing me, and for allowing me to retain my identity beyond my diagnosis, something that many cannot do.

Thank you for letting me be afraid, thank you for being afraid with me, and thank you for not allowing the fears to get the better of us. But most of all, thank you for being my best friend, healthy or sick. I couldn't do it without you.

To the man loving me through this illness, you have my heart, always.

all my love,

xo